Hosting a dinner party is a cherished weekend pursuit of mine. Given my peculiarities—yes, I am a food critic and a culinary school alum—I often find myself getting carried away, meticulously planning the menu in advance, preparing some dishes the day before, and, in general, preparing an abundance of food. My aim is to get as much done beforehand as possible so that when my guests arrive, I can feel as if I’m in full command.
However, when it comes to wrapping up the dinner party, I often feel at a loss for control. Imagine this scenario: dessert has concluded, it’s late, and I’m exhausted, yet there’s an overwhelming pile of dishes in the kitchen (a clear indication of my overambitious menu planning). Yet, my delightful guests linger on, and on.
I never wish to seem impolite, but sometimes subtle hints or a strategically timed yawn fail to prompt my guests to leave. (There have been evenings when I’ve almost resorted to playing the song “Closing Time”.) I began to ponder, what strategies do seasoned hosts employ when they’re eager to bring the night to a close?
Jake Cohen, the author of the upcoming “Dinner Party Animal: Recipes to Make Every Day a Celebration,” Alexis deBoschnek, the author of “Nights and Weekends: Recipes That Make the Most of Your Time” and host of the Instagram series “Cooking for Friends,” Beth Le Manach, the author of “Entertaining 101: 101 Recipes Every Host Should Know How to Make” and creator of the YouTube channel “Entertaining with Beth,” Dan Pelosi, the author of “Let’s Party: Recipes and Menus for Celebrating Every Day,” and Peter Som, the lifestyle expert and author of “Family Style: Elegant Everyday Recipes Inspired by Home and Heritage,” all have their unique approaches.
I knew I would consult the consummate host, Dan Pelosi, author of “Let’s Party,” first. In fact, he tackles this etiquette predicament head-on in his book:
When you’re ready for the party to conclude, simply inform everyone it’s time to go. My go-to remark is, “What a fantastic evening, but it’s almost my bedtime.” Most people will be grateful and ready to leave. The “party never ends” crowd will continue elsewhere.
I admire Pelosi’s forthright approach, and I appreciate the script he provided! Alexis deBoschnek, author of “Nights and Weekends,” also shared a technique. “I’ll whisper to my husband, ‘We should let these folks head to bed,’ which is a polite way of saying we’re tired and it’s time to wrap things up. Everyone immediately comprehends, and it usually leads to laughter and friends making a quick exit without any lingering resentment.”
Jake Cohen, author of “Dinner Party Animal,” suggests a non-scripted approach. “I’ll just start tidying up, and people will catch on,” he explains. “Another trick is to start offering and packing up leftovers. Once friends have their to-go boxes, they’re always eager to leave!”
Peter Som, author of “Family Style,” prefers subtle cues like gradually softening the music and brightening the lights. “If those visual and auditory signals don’t work, I’ll add a small yawn followed by, ‘What a great time—thank you all for coming!’ It works every time.”
These are all excellent ideas, and I could envision using them all in different situations and with various groups.
For when all else fails, however, Beth Le Manach, author of “Entertaining 101,” provided me with a detailed plan for politely wrapping up the evening.
Step 1: Wait for a lull in the conversation, she advises, like after a hearty laugh that begins to fade. “Then lean in, gently clap your hands, and declare, ‘What a delightful evening, thank you all for joining us; we should do this again soon!’ This works about 85% of the time, as most guests are keen to leave.”
Step 2: If there are children at home, use this tactic. “Dress your kids in their pajamas and parading them through the living room to say goodnight to everyone. Then send them off to bed, and you’ll follow shortly. There will be someone in the group who will empathize with this scene and suggest it’s time to go,” Le Manach explains.
Step 3: If all else fails, Le Manach’s final strategy is a surefire winner. “Stand up and clear a few plates. Encourage your guests to do the same, but leave a few on the table. This is crucial; otherwise, guests caught up in conversation won’t notice the plates being cleared and will continue chatting.” Once they follow you into the kitchen, ask for their assistance with cleaning up. “At this point, you’ll hear a few yawns, and someone will mention they need to head out.” It’s then up to you, the host, to finalize the evening by saying, “Thank you all for coming!” According to Le Manach, this is the official sign that the night has concluded.
